The Fear

Rain fell heavily this morning as we got ready to go hunting.

Despite the sun coming out as we headed North the Fells still hid their tops in iron grey clouds. I think MONSTER knew what was coming and unloaded herself from the wagon.

RIDER tried to encourage me to stay up the front in case the field got split, though as we set off up the lane I was scared. Last week my final fence had resulted in a fall. With no opportunity to clear one before home my fall was at the back of my mind. So as the main field set off over early fences I found myself wimping out and hanging back, glad to take the gate option.

MONSTERS brakes totally failed this week. The idea that Hunting=Galloping has finally worked it's way into her think Irish head. Once an idea gets there it's well and truly stuck until another one finally comes along to replace it. I'm not sure that anything is going to replace this one. It's not all bad though. She's learnt since last week to be tidy with her feet, and not just over fences. A lot less stumbling this week and a lot more sure-footed. Shame about the manners.

A hip-flask moment arrived after a couple of small jumps finally let me into it, and I felt no desire for Dutch courage. I expressed my fears of jumping to one of the field, CHEERY IRISHMAN, who told me not to worry about the fences and just remember the feeling I got on the other side of them. So far this is usually a case of "Thank Fuck for that, I'm still alive!". Well, I suppose that's what it's all about really, and the moment I stop being scared I know I should stop. Reckless does not equal brave.

And so I resolved to stayed with the head of the field for a few.

There is no theme park ride on the planet that compares. Heels down, toes forward and lean back got me a long way. Expletives and slipping the reins did the rest but did nothing to haul MONSTER up between fences. Did I mention that she's learnt to be tidy with her feet? She's also learnt to expect the unexpected. Spread? Stretch. Hedge? Tuck your feet up. Drop on landing? Oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling and the exit doors are here, here and here...

Somehow, and I still don't know how! I managed to stay on board. CHEERY IRISHMAN held back for me when we finally got a chance to slow down, asked me how I felt now, and offered me his flask. Yes thank you, I'll take the Dutch courage after that. Which is probably why I came off at the next fence. For consistency I managed to come off once on the take-off side and once on landing. Again MONSTER merely came to a halt and looked quizzically down at me as if to ask what I was doing amongst the field mushrooms.

Back on board there was no let up and I had to make it over a couple more fences before the day was over. I couldn't believe that we'd been out so long. The field split in two to head home, braver souls than I heading for a fence reputed to be four feet at least.

I'll ride back with the women and children thanks...