Dressage to Music - How Not To Do It

The world is not short of websites and instructional videos telling the uninformed how to go about their foray into dressage to music, though I'd recommend equiworld.net.

All these instructional sites/videos/expensive consultants tell the rider how to use a metronome, perform gait analysis, and match the tempo of the music to the horses gait so that the whole forms a pleasing picture. For many sites it is the FIRST thing you do.

So what does a fired up dressage rider who fancies themselves as the new Anky Van Grunsven (and I'm including both sexes here) misty eyed with visions of themselves doing the kur while Elton John looks on lovingly as they wow the crowds at London 2012 do? They throw said advice out of the window, choose their three favourite records and botch them together with string. Sod the fact that the songs don't mix at all with each other. Never mind that the tempo of the music doesn't match their horse. Who cares that no horse on the planet can walk in time to Dire Straits "Walk of Life" they think, when it is such a good pun. Hello! This Just In! It looks shit, it's not funny anywhere except in your own tiny mind, and it makes you look like a middle of the road bore with a crap sense of humour.

I really don't understand why the judges don't mark the artistic segment more harshly when it is obvious that the horse and rider are not in time to the music, and I'm including perrenial dressage favourites Abba and Robbbie Williams here. Tip to judges who are apparently oblivious to this. Watch the riders seat. If it doesn't match the tempo of the music neither does the horse. Take up to two points off in each gait depending on how far out the tempos are. Extra marks deducted for bad puns.

Frankly I'm amazed that there isn't more Donna Summer.